Wii?

Not really no. At first I was curious to see what Nintendo had up their sleeve since I had fallen madly in love with the Gamecube, but it wasn't long after the launch that the veil of deception had been lifted.

Nintendo's ALL NEW CONCEPT IN GAMING would turn out to be a Powerglove V2, and their hardware the remnants of their previous console with a few additions that would prove highly flawed.

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Nunchaku
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! =

I'm no mathematics genius, but I'm pretty sure the above is true. Why did Nintendo call their Powerglove Dildo combo a Nunchaku in the first place? Are you going to be kicking some ass with the thing martial arts style on the street on the way to the fish market? Probably not, no. Once you realize you aren't Bruce Lee and you toss the thing through your 42" lcd tv or smash it into pieces against the wall behind it, the illusion wears off. Videogame controllers aren't martial arts weapons and never have been.

I have to give Nintendo credit for managing to dupe millions of non-gamers into playing videogames by marketing the shit out of a concept that's been tried before. Apparently all the pantshitting 7 year olds on the planet missed the Powerglove which isn't all that surprising since they are 7 and their parents are too incompetent to give them a history lesson instead of buying them whatever they cry for. It is the easiest way to shut your brat child up though. Timmy wants a Wii and if he doesn't have it he's going to whine like a little bitch for days on end until you eventually cave in and buy one, so why wait? Buy him his pacifier disguised as a videogame console already!

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Hardware
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Ever noticed that Wii's graphics look similar to the Gamecube's or worse? That's not a mistake friend, that's called a copout. Nintendo figured out that they couldn't afford to jump headlong into the next-gen console race because of their massive losses on the Gamecube so they came up with the Wii which is the sound Nintendo employees are emitting when they cash their checks every month. By rehashing old hardware and adding some gimmicks, Nintendo has managed to pull the ultimate proverbial fast one.

Now toss in some flawed, glitchy backwards compatibility and even worse emulation, and you have Nintendo's masterpiece. That's right kids, the roms you are paying $5 a pop for are usually glitchy or non-working. At least they only cost you $5 each. It's not like you can't download an entire set of NES roms off the internet for free and play them flawlessly on a Gamecube, PC, PSP, Xbox etc...

Don't even think about running a game from another region on your Wii. You'll be taking it back for a replacement shortly after because it'll brick itself while the game automatically installs a firmware update your region can't use. Nintendo is really taking care of their consumers.

Tired? Of course you are. Ever tried holding your arms out in front of you for extended periods of time? THERE'S A REASON THEY ARE ATTACHED AT THE SHOULDER TO HANG DOWN AT YOUR SIDES MORONS! Now add a weighted piece of plastic and some movement. It's called a workout for your right or left arm. I get the same amount of exercise lifting a beer to my mouth or firing up the bong, and I didn't have to look like a jackass doing it.

Nintendo is laughing right in your faces all the way to the bank.

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$$$$$$
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The bling bling. We all like it and unfortunately the world revolves around it. Nintendo has a lot more of it now thanks to you. Hopefully they'll use those millions they've made on fucking everyone over to create even more retarded add-ons for their 5th? generation block of shit. I question 5th because I'm not sure if the DD counts as anything other than a failure.

Nintendo is making money because people are dumb. It's simple. Do you think it's a mistake that talentless cunt Britney Spears made millions of dollars on a career as a singer even though she didn't really sing anything? Of course not. People are fucking stupid slave drones who will buy, swallow and do anything as long as everyone else is. That's a fact. That's why we have stupid shit on tv like Survivor and Big Brother, and talentless fake retards dancing around on stage making millions of dollars year after year. People are fucking stupid and Nintendo figured this out except they didn't get everyone :)

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credit where credit is due
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Shigeru Miyamoto is a god and deserves praise for saving the videogame industry from certain death in the USA. It's unfortunate that his name is associated with Nintendo's new level of bullshit. I expected a hell of a lot more from the creator of Mario and Zelda than a gimmick that gets old after a week of use.

NES = GREAT
SNES = EPIC
N64 = MEH
GAMECUBE = GREAT
Wii = VOMIT

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what about the rest of us?
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I can't help but feel a little bit betrayed by Nintendo after years of dedication and loyalty to their consoles (with the exception of the N64 because I was smart enough to buy a PS1 and Saturns instead). I started gaming when gaming was born and I love new and unique just as much as the next guy, but Nintendo has given me none of these things with their new console. Instead I've got some gimmicks which utilize old hardware and an audio format that Nintendo has continued to stand by since their NES. WTF??? I guess 2 channel analog audio is the future of gaming. Don't tell Sony or Microsoft because they've been using digital and dts which are obviously old fucking news...

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a brief note on the ds (lite)
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What's with Nintendo making shitty 1st versions of their handhelds and then a few months later coming out with the good one? I don't get that. It smells a bit like Microsoft's beta testing retail program where the consumer is the guinea pig. Weird and WTF??? Okay so it has 2 screens a plastic pencil. Yawn. At first I was pretty enthusiastic (as with the Wii launch), and then I realized it was more, you guessed it, gimmickery. That's right. The wand is pretty much fucking useless unless you need to pick your nose or you are one of those people who need something to chew on. Nintendo managed to dupe everyone with the dual screen wand gaming experience.

WHO IN THE FUCK WANTS TO PLAY A FPS WITH A PLASTIC PENCIL???

Dumbshits, that's who. The control of the thing is nothing short of awkward to retarded in most instances, and that OMFG AWESOME 2nd screen is full of information that you could access easily by pushing a button. You jackasses realize that even though the information is already displayed on the 2nd screen, you still have to look down at it right? That's taking your attention away from the game which is THE SAME FUCKING THING YOU'D BE DOING BY PUSHING A BUTTON AND BRINGING UP A MENU!!! Ah why bother. Enjoy your worthless 2nd screen full of information and no gaming retards.