This game could have been called BLEHK and still sold a gazillion copies.

I don't usually do game reviews (any more) because there are plenty of semi-literate 10 year olds who can tell you how great Halo 9 is based on the fact that it's the first game they've ever played, and their 360 hasn't broken down out of the box, yet. I'll leave the game reviews up to the "experts" on every other gaming website online. I promise this will probably one of maybe two game reviews I do this year. Scouts honor n stuff.

So Spore's journey began a long time ago and we all sat and waited, drooling all over ourselves like heroin addicts awaiting that ever elusive next fix. The level of hype this game received was unparalleled in the history of gaming. The only thing that received more hype and was even more disappointing was the fucking Wii, but that's another story for another article which has already been written by myself. More on how "great" Nintendo is later...

Drooling like a junkie with a monkey. We all were. We can admit it. What was promised was a game of epic proportions which summed up everything we could possibly ever want. Lots of eye candy, lots to do. Worlds to explore and wars to waged. Creature designs, city designs, and universal domination. The idea was epic. The offering was a child-like punch in the crotch when you least expected it.

The game started out great with the microbial stage which all the sudden turned into the land stage after a few minutes of play. What? That's right. Don't expect any smooth transitions between stages of growing. You are plucked from one stage and immediately plopped into another. Whatever. It's not that the stages aren't fun. There's some work to be done to progress and some neat happenings going on around you. I actually enjoyed the game up until the space stage which is where this game goes from a cool new adventure to FIST THROUGH YOUR MONITOR.

The level of difficulty on the space stage left me wondering what in the hell. The idea is great. The execution is decent. The problem is that I don't want to have to fight an alien race that is going to wipe me off the face of every planet with barely any fight. Don't get me wrong. There's battles, but you are going to lose every single fucking one of them and how. And they never stop coming. About the time you've finished repairing your shit on Planet X, you are being attacked again. By the time you've finished maybe 5 of these losing fiascos in 10 minutes, you are out of resources and on your way to serious frustration. I managed to bypass this problem by applying a money hack to my game which allowed me to bribe the aliens so they'd fuck off just long enough for me to actually explore the Spore universe. Doing this allowed me to actually enjoy the game a bit more since I was able to hop from planet to planet and check things out. There are some really cool things to do once the aliens fuck off. The problem is getting them to leave you alone. Good luck.

Had I shelled out US$50 for this fucking thing I'd be even more pissed off, but as it is, I live in a country that prides itself on copying anything and everything in sight so I had a chance to check it out first. The only idiots shelling out money for this kind of garbage are American 12 year olds who demanded their parents buy it under threat of hating them for a day or two. I'd rather wait and see if "X-GAME" lives up to the hype, and unless it has GOD OF WAR in the actual title, it won't. Few games do. Very few.

There are a handful of good to great PC games but Spore isn't one of them. Spore falls under the increasingly more common catagory of COULD HAVE BEEN. The idea was great. The execution was flawedville. Whose brilliant fucking idea was it to chop the shit out of the final product anyway? FIRED. Half of the awesomeness that was promised never even made it into the final version which went a long way to ensuring that this game would be forgotten a month later. Nice job assholes. I actually heard some chatter online about some updates to the game which would, prepare yourself, "fix everything that's wrong with it". Right. Updates which repair the game to the point where it becomes OMFG are like sighting the Loch Ness monster. Enjoy your eternal wait dipshits.

Spore is a classic example of what happens when someone with power in the marketing industry (which I loathe) starts pushing a product regardless of it being a complete piece of shit or not. *cough Microsoft* I've said it before and I'll say it again for the millionth time. You can gold plate a turd but in the end it's still just a turd. Marketing hype is that gold plating on a giant steaming pile of crap. You can market anything and as long as you have the resources to generate enough bullshit hype there are plenty of slave drone retards willing to shell out cash for your gold plated turd. People are dumb by nature so you don't even have to use real gold. A nice sprinkling of powdered sugar should do the trick.

There may be more of these kinds of reviews should I feel compelled to write them.

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